My first year in medical school is nearly over, and it has flown by. The entries here can’t even begin to describe all the new experiences and thinking I have encountered this year.
By now, I’ve gotten used to almost everything. I’m not quite so worried about failure, and I’m starting to enjoy the rhythm of the same people and classes that once felt so overwhelming. There have even been some big pleasures this year, such as getting to know my colleagues, working alongside great physicians and meeting patients that make me smile.
In conversations with my peers, we all question if we actually learned enough this year to qualify us to be 25% finished with our M.D. degree. As I bounce around studying from one exam to the next, I often ponder about how much knowledge is really learned (as opposed to memorized and soon forgotten).
None of our exams are cumulative, although one could argue that certain concepts build upon one another. According to one of my classmates who has a brother graduating this year from medical school, even he is wondering whether he knows enough.
My classmates and I are all terrified by the responsibility of being a doctor, especially as we discover how much there is to know about people’s bodies and diseases. So, did we really learn enough this year? I’m not sure.
There is no doubt that I have certainly learned a lot. I can perform physical exams (not perfectly, but at least I know what I should do). I have learned enough basic medical terminology that I can mostly decipher the technical jargon of journal articles and hospital reports. I know all the major bones and pathways in the body, and have a basic understanding how they work (although please don’t ask me to remember the details).
Perhaps most importantly, I’ve conquered a lot of my discomforting feelings. Those feeling that haunt everyone in medicine, such as whether we really deserve to be doctors and how humbling this process can be.
So, that means I’m less nervous when I put on my white coat and walk through the hospital. I don’t feel awkward to be left alone with a patient. I can speak up more easily in class and in front of doctors. I don’t squint my eyes when the lecturers show a slide of a gangrenous leg or stab wound. And, I can hammer through the bones of my cadaver with ease (whereas at first I didn’t even like hearing the sound).
Now, of course, I start to feel comfortable as the semester is ending! We have three more weeks, and six exams. This week I will begin my final exams with Pathology and Growth and Development. Anatomy will be my last exam on May 15.
Then, I will have the last real summer vacation of my foreseeable future. Ben and I have planned a trip to Europe to celebrate our wedding anniversary, and then I will head off to volunteer with a medical program in the Dominican Republic. Summer does not seem far away anymore, and my first year starts to feel like an obstacle I am glad to be nearly past.
