Liz's Medical School Journey

I didn’t do the calculations myself, but one of my classmates added up all the exams we had taken first and second years in medical school, and got 50.  If that’s the case, then this week I brought my grand total up to 52!

I took the Step 1 exam on Saturday, and then I took another little exam that I was trying not to worry about until after my Boards.  Faithful readers may recall that I failed my Hematology-Oncology exam this year (you can read the entry here).  I’m not proud of this fact, and hesitated to make it public knowledge on my blog.  However, I decided that this reality is an important piece of my medical school story.  I am not a perfect medical student (even when I try my hardest) and the first two years have been challenging.

As I was studying for my Board exam during the past months, I spent extra time with Heme-Onc.  The medical school supported me by providing tutoring, and even encouragement.  I’m happy to say that Heme-Onc, including all the chemotherapy drugs that I once dreaded, are now familiar concepts to me.  The make-up exam went well, and now it’s behind me.  Thank goodness!

My Boards are another story.  I still am filled with nagging feelings about my performance, and am slightly disturbed that nobody seems to know for sure when or how we get our score reports.  I was under the impression that I would receive an online score in 4-6 weeks, but the printed sheet I received at the end of my exam said they would mail my results in 8 weeks!  Another friend recently shared that she believes her older brother got his results by e-mail in 3-4 weeks.  I guess I’ll find out soon enough, but right now waiting for the results feels like eternity.

I was full of nerves before my exam.  I tried to stay calm, and treated myself to a full body massage and frozen yogurt the day before.  I asked close friends and family to keep me in their thoughts and prayers.  Nevertheless, I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that somebody had opened a can of jumping beans inside my body.

There was a huge thunderstorm the night before, and between booms and strange dreams, I barely slept.  I had never been awake for so many hours before such an important exam.  My husband comforted me during the night saying, “Don’t worry, I’m sure nobody sleeps well before this exam.”

I awoke feeling mildly ill, and I actually wondered, “Could I be sick?”  I didn’t feel like eating, but forced myself to have breakfast.  I drove myself to the testing center ahead of schedule, all the way feeling like I ought to be in a better mindset before the exam.

Then, I got there.  I found a woman with a large text wandering outside the building.  She looked just as anxious as I felt, so I approached her and helped her find the testing center.  The staff let us get started right away.  I was the only one there all day taking the Step 1 exam, so they checked me in first.  After getting photographed, fingerprinted and documented, I got my seat in a cubicle #2 with laminated paper and a huge set of noise-canceling headphones.

I began the test, and things got better.  I’m not sure if I imagined it, but I felt like the first hour was the easiest, as if they were trying to soothe me into test-taking mode.  How nice of them!  Also, there were only 46 questions per hour.  I was expecting 48.

When I took my lunch break, I saw the same woman I had met in the morning who had just finished.  She had received her results immediately, and confided in me that she had barely passed.  I told her congratulations, and not to worry because nobody would ever know the difference (simultaneously I realized it was important for me to remember these words as well).

8 hours flew by, and before I knew it, I was toasting with my husband and a glass of nice wine. My study calendar is in the recycling bin, and I have cleaned up my piles of books. At this point, I still can hardly believe it’s over!